On the Biology of Dwarves

 On the Biology of Dwarves by Konli Galleybolt, 1928 Evolutionary History Kogan Urvadatîs, lord of Relicwalled (1919) art by Uncannyknack on Deviantart Dwarves (fortis fodiens)  are believed to have evolved deep below the Earth's surface. All known fossilized remains of dwarven ancestors are from bodies fossilized significantly more recently than other species. Many fossils are found in vast caves and tunnel networks. This suggests that until very recently, all ancestors of modern dwarves lived exclusively underground. What exactly dwarves evolved from remains a mystery. So far, no mammalian relatives have been found. And if relatives, or fossils of them do exist, they would most likely be found deep in subterranean caverns, where forgotten beasts still lurk to this day. This further complicates the study of dwarven evolution. Features in dwarven skeletons and organ structures suggest that they are not closely related to homo sapiens. It is currently believed instead, that the simi

A Codex of Ideas

Right, I started this blog like five months ago, and I've barely published anything. Here's something I wrote early on that might be cool. I've always found I like ideas I've had more after rediscovering them a long time after I have them. But unfortunately, I'm not particularly good at remembering them, and I don't usually write them down. And whenever I do write down my ideas for characters or places or stories, I always stress about the formatting and organization of it all.  But a while I discovered Throne of Salt's slushpile. Just a table of random unused ideas with no formatting other than numbering. And since I like that idea, I'm going to steal it and make my own slushpile here. Some Random Ideas 1. Invisible Stairs 2. Case o' Stairs - an enchanted suitcase with a set of stairs that spring out when opened. 3. Psychic Mimes 4. The Ortni Moor - a hilly plain of giant mushrooms, inhabited by sentient mushroom people. 5. Goblins come from colonie

Terror Cow

  Terror Cow 3rd Level Conjugation  Casting Time: 1 Action  Duration: 1 Minute (Concentration) Range: 60 feet Components: V, S, M (A little milk) When you cast this spell, a spectral cow appears at a point you can see within range. The cow occupies a 5 foot cube. When the cow appears, it moves up 30 feet in a straight line of your choosing. Each creature in that line must make a Dexterity Saving Throw or take 5d6 force damage and be knocked prone. As an action on your turn, you can choose to move the cow in a 30 foot straight line again, with the same affect. The cow cannot move through walls, but it always moves as far as it can if there is space. Any creature within 5 feet of the cow can use an action on their turn to make a Wisdom (Animal Handling) check against your Spell Saving Throw DC. On a success, the cow immediately moves 30 feet in a straight line away from the creature, causing its normal effect, and you are unable to control the cow on your next turn. Any creature that tak

Do Subclasses Really Add Depth in 5th Edition?

A few months ago, someone mentioned to me that they thought D&D 5e characters didn't have enough customization options. Well, they said something like that anyway, and it got me thinking about the subject. It's something I hadn't really considered until recently, but the more I think about it, the more I kind of agree. When I first played 5th edition, when I was 12 or 13, I'd already skimmed the AD&D books that my dad had countless times as a kid, and been in one or two 4th Edition games that a friend had run. But 5e was my first time properly reading an RPG ruleset and seriously learning the rules. So when I read the subclass rules, I assumed they were a good customization system. Every class had between 2 and 8 options for how they could specialize. 1st Edition AD&D never had that. I think 4e had something similar, but not until higher levels. So having each class so many options to choose from, seems like it significantly expands your options for what kin

The Mystical Blade - A 5e Homebrew Class

Ah, the Mystical Blade, my greatest contribution to my 5th Edition D&D group's repertoire of bizarre half-functional homebrew.  I finished it over a year ago and I've spent too much of the past year making jokes about it ad nauseam, so I think it's only logical for it to be my first post here. Plus, it's sort of the namesake of this blog. The short version of it is that the Mystical Blade is a just barely playable, joke hombrew class for 5e D&D. Rather than posting the entire thing on this page, I'll just put a link to the GMBinder page. The Mystical Blade Version 3.0 Now for the long version. Let me give you some background. Two-ish years ago I discovered a website called Botnik . It's a predictive writing program, which basically means you put text documents in it, and it will suggest sentences to write based on that document. The basic version you can use is fairly rudimentary, but it's a lot of fun to mess around with, and it's the kind of th